Godzilla vs MechaGodzilla

The opening monologue of this movie explains that no one knows if Godzilla is a mutant caused by radiation, or a dinosaur awakened from the bottom of the sea, or some other type of creature altogether. Although it tries to gloss over that admission, I feel like that information is kind of important.

It's not important because it's essential to Godzilla's backstory; no, Godzilla's motives tend to be so straight forward that we don't need to explore his motivation. It's important because this movie is so close to being able to check off every box on it's monster movie bingo card, but if it's not going to be able to cross the finish line if it doesn't know what kind of creature Godzilla is.

This movie is about a race of aliens which have come to earth to defeat Godzilla so they won’t have any obstacles in their path. (Aliens: check.) Part of their plan has them swapping humans out with cyborgs, but the cyborgs keep falling in love, which is a bit of a problem. (Robots: check.) To fix the cyborg problem, the aliens get help from a mad scientist who is angry at mankind because they didn’t believe in him or his discoveries. (Mad scientist: check.) The mad scientist encourages the aliens to think bigger, and he has them rebuild MechaGodzilla, who was thrown into the bottom of the sea in a different movie. (Evil doppelganger: check. Bonus points for the doppelganger being a robot.) The base where they work on their robot projects is at the bottom of the ocean, and the water around the base is patrolled by a Loch Ness monster-ish creature named Titanosaurus. (Dinosaur: check.)

It's all there, down to the little touches: there are computers that are flat panels full of blinking lights, guns that make laser noises when they are fired, and Mechagodzilla can shoot death rays out of his eye sockets… Basically, between the space travel, the robots, the bigger robots, the monsters, the bigger monsters, every science fiction trope you'd want to see is in this movie.

Except, possibly, for radioactive mutants. You see, if Godzilla is just a dinosaur (a box we’ve already checked with Titanosaurus) then we’re short important check mark on our card, but if Godzilla is, in fact, a cautionary tale about mankind’s nuclear hubris then we are at full capacity. Now that I've seen this movie, I know who wins in the battle between the lizard and the robot, but I still need to know whether or not I win in the bingo game I was playing at home. You can try to wave off my concerns, opening narration, but damnit, I am still hungry for answers, and like Fox Mulder, I know that the answers are out there somewhere.

Winner: Me