Insidious: Chapter 2

There’s a scene in the Simpson’s Treehouse of Horror parody of the Shining where the elevators of blood dump their red flood right at the feet of Mr. Burns and Smithers and the only reaction it prompts is a puzzled “That’s odd, the blood usually gets off on the second floor.” It’s a funny joke, but it also highlights how adaptable people are. Given enough time people can get used to the most extreme circumstances if they have to.

Insidious Chapter Two is a "ghosts are all up in my house" movie where for some reason nobody ever adapts, and their continued failure to take reasonable precautions kept cracking me up. Every time Rose Byrne crept down the blood-red staircase in the middle of the night to check out a bump in the night I was thinking “you know, taking out the red lightbulb and putting a normal white light lightbulb up there would probably be a good idea.”

Every footstep in this movie sounds like a slow motion gunshot, which prompted me to think: “hey guys, buying some carpet could help with that.” There are multiple times when our intrepid mother is spooked out because one of her baby’s walkers rolls into the hallway, and I thought “you know you can take the wheels off that, right?” (And by the way, if she’s going to get that spooked out every time one of her kids toys is suddenly where she didn’t expect it to be she’s going to have a hard time of parenting. Stepping on crap that’s been randomly placed in a dumb spot is an everyday thing for most moms.)

If this were the first movie in the series I might have been a little more lenient on all of this goofiness, but they’ve already lived in one haunted house and the ghosts have followed them to the second. At some point they should start adapting or decide that maybe houses aren't for them. I’m not saying that they shouldn’t call ghost hunters to try to exorcise the house – although why they called guys who try to figure out what the ghosts want by rolling lettered dice and then playing ghost-boggle instead of the Ghostbusters who are clearly better at busting ghosts mystifies me. But I am saying that while they are waiting for the evil spirits to be kicked out there are practical things they could do to ghost-proof the house, like getting rid of the piano that’s always playing itself and putting padding around all the sharp edged counter-tops.

Ultimately, however, I have to admit that all the sheer mockability of this movie is really a point in its favor. I’ve seen a lot of cheesy horror movies over the years and most of them don’t go for the clichés with this much gusto.  This might not be good, but I can’t deny that I was entertained.

Winner: Me

Insidious Chapter Two on IMDB