Hunter S. Thompson was fond of saying "you buy the ticket, you take the ride." This film opens up with a voice over of director Alejandro Jodorowsky talking about the spirituality of money while a gold coins drop into a pile. Then we cut to blood being thrown at a newspaper. Then we cut to a circus where two clowns challenge a father to a boxing match in front of his son. You're about three minutes in and it's already clear that now that you have your ticket you are about to take a ride.
Now, I'm about to list most of the weird things I can remember seeing in this movie. For some of the more spoiler averse that might seem uncouth, but I think that this sort of surrealist film cannot be spoiled because hearing about what it contains can't really prepare you for the weirdness of seeing it. You can tell people what Space Mountain is like but that doesn't actually give them the feeling of the wind on their face. So before you decide to give this a try you should know that this film contains:
-a skeleton driving a boat through the mists of time
-male and female urination [genitalia visible both times]
-A horse poisoning
-A fistfight with Nazis (partially scored with laser sound effects)
-A person who believes they are invisible
-An assassination attempt at a dogs-in-costume show
-A dog in a "kangaroo" costume that is bright green and pretty alligator-ish
-A mother and son game of hide and seek where both are wearing nothing but shoe polish
-Graphic torture of a political prisoner
-A CGI swarm or birds that's so poorly rendered it reminded me of Birdemic
-A character that only sings in operatic arias
-A photo of Stalin that spontaneously combusts after the photo next to it is shot with a gun
-A hunchback who commits suicide after her amnesiac lover regains his memory
-A parade of people with missing or deformed limbs who sing a song called "dynamite has no heart"
-Dental surgery without anesthesia
-A little person who dresses up like Jesus before turning champagne (I think it was champagne?) into wine
It's death obsessed, it's sexual stuff is often uncomfortable and creepy, the symbolism can be pretty heavy handed, it's sometimes weird just to be weird, it's inconsistent... Let's just say it's not without it's flaws. But if you looked at that list and thought "man, that sounds interesting" then do not let anyone deter your enthusiasm because even when this film isn't good per se it's interesting. However, if you looked at that list and think "what the hell?" then you can trust me when I say that this movie is probably not for you.
Remember: you buy the ticket, you take the ride.
Winner: Jesus Christ, I don't fucking know