The Loneliest Planet

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Sigmund Freud had that famous quote: “sometimes a cigar is just a cigar”. Well, I want to say something similar: “sometimes walking is just walking”. Seventy percent of this movie is just people walking places, and I think it’s meant to show off inner character and interpersonal relationships and build tension, but in fact, I think most of it is just illustrating transportation.

One of the most common complaints about the Lord of the Rings movies was that there was so, so much walking. Well, imagine that movie and minus a bunch of dialogue and also all the fight scenes and not even a fucking orc to spice things up occasionally and you’ll have some approximation of the million years long ordeal this movie is.

I first heard of the Loneliest Planet from the Dissolve, where there was an article saying that the female lead should have won an Oscar for her performance, but no, she shouldn’t have. Because to win awards voters need to see the movie first and I don’t think anyone needs to see this. If they strike twenty minutes of the mood-setting “hiking on a trail to a bad soundtrack scenes” (and there are probably twenty minutes of totally un-dialogued walking scenes in this movie) then it might be closer to tolerable; make it a forty five minute short film and you’d have something I could even see calling good. But calling this undercooked mess watchable at two hours is a stretch, much less calling it award worthy. Blech.

Winner: The Cat

The Loneliest Planet on IMDB