Black Magic

The promo the Hollywood sent out advertising this movie promised evil human breast milk (which there is) and trampoline jumping ghouls (which there are) but it did not mention my favorite part: a very happy German shepherd.

The dog, you see, is meant to be an attack dog, and a rich widow orders the dog to attack a man who is trying to woo her so he can get her money. The only problem is that the dog is clearly overheating in the  heat because it’s tongue is drooping almost to it’s knees. It is not  the most threatening look on an attack dog. Also, it looks excited to be there, but like fun-excited. Also, it doesn’t seem to know where it’s supposed to be in the scene because the actors have to go to it. Also, in it’s second attack scene it clearly hasn’t been trained on how to attack because the actor has to make it wrestle like Bela Lugosi made the uninflated sea-monster attack him in Ed Wood. I guess I lied when I used the words “only problem”. 

I understand that it might seem perverse to be focusing on that one dog after mentioning in passing that there was evil human breast milk. And yes,  a lot of the ways that black magic spells were cast were pretty funny and involved making dolls with odd shaped dongs and crotch-rice, as well as the aforementioned breast milk. But goddamn what I wouldn’t give to see a movie that was more focused on that dog! That dog coulda been bigger than Rin Tin Tin. As cool as evil milk is it can't make a claim like that.

Winner: Me

Black Magic on IMDB