Hellbound: Hellraiser 2

In the first Hellraiser a young woman finds out that her uncle and his wife are involved in the dark arts. She ends up having to fight not just them but also the demons that they've summoned to Earth. At the end of the movie she's survived, but only just barely, and after having seen the sort of things that no human should ever have to see.

When this movie picks up she's in a sanitarium, having slightly lost her mind. It doesn't take too long for it to get revealed that the sanitarium is also run by a sadist who is obsessed with the occult, so it turns out that in an effort to help her the state has placed her in the hands of  a man that wants to sell her body and soul to leather clad dark lords. As John Prine sang: I Hate When That Happens To Me.

There's a lot in this movie that's a bit of a stretch - literally, as people keep having their skin come off, often because of hooks that they may have stumbled into - but for some reason that was the least credible part of the whole story to me. I mean, how many sadistic weirdos can there be in that one town? Well, probably a lot, but this plot requires a particular type of sadistic weirdo that I imagine is kind of rare - someone who doesn't just want to experience pain, but someone who wants to experience hellish pain. If your town has that many people who would volunteer to turn into living Body Worlds exhibits for absolutely no personal gain then maybe you should think about moving to some place less depressing, like say a refugee camp in a war torn country.

It takes a very morbid sense of humor to laugh at a movie where an ominous clown would juggle his own eyeballs while leering at a teenage girl, but if you have that sense of humor then there's a steady stream of grotesqueries that can be laughed at. At one point a skinless woman drinks a glass of white wine, which would be incongruous enough even if she wasn't wearing an 80's style formal jacket with awkwardly wide padded shoulders. Later she makes out with a human lackey while her eyes are wide open with glee, which would have looked goofy even if she didn't look like an animated anatomy lesson. But the biggest laugh came right at the end, when the movers come to take away the evil psychiatrist's stuff because he won't need it now that he's nothing more than a blue head dangling from a tentacle that extends from an evil elevator. The movers have apparently boxed up all of his books (which seemed like they got exploded when the forces of evil arrived in the house with the winds of damnation at their back?) but the movers have ignored the mattress at the center of the room - a mattress that is covered in still wet blood and which has barbed chains coming out of a hole in it's center. You know, I'd probably ignore that too, especially since I can't imagine they are getting paid, what with the guy who owns the house being trapped in Dante's nightmares.

Actually, the thing that made me laugh the most was probably at the very-very end of the movie, where it stipulated that all of the characters in this movie were fictional and were not based on real people. It was a load off my mind, because I was really worried that there were people out there that don't go off looking for hook wielding occultists and yet keep finding them anyway. Now if someone would just tell me that Scooby Doo wasn't real...

Winner: Me

Hellbound: Hellraiser 2 on IMDB